The Broken Man

His present is controlled by the tragedies of his past...
His future lies in the hands of a woman that left with his trust.
He seeks for liberation in the bottom of a whiskey bottle and an occasional orgasm.
His pursuit of freedom is the cause of his imprisonment;
Trapped in a box of broken promises and disappointments...
He gave women pieces of his heart and they left without giving them back.
He has nothing to give anymore...
Pieces of his soul lay with women who lay in other men's beds...
He meets a girl---
a good girl...
He wants to give her everything,
But, he has nothing to give...
He looks at her and sees a mirage of his past...
He runs.
He runs into the comforting arms of his office--he finds solace there..
At least there he reaps what he sows--he controls his path...

He is a broken man.
Pieces of him lay in the offspring he did not father...
He meets a girl---
a lovely girl...
This time he is determined to make it work...
He promises her everything...
He gives her everything, everything but himself...
She is everything--but in his eyes she is a manifestation of his past...
The risk is too high...
So he runs,
He runs before she has the chance to take away the nothing he has left inside.

With every new relationship he has hope, hope that it might this time be different...
But that hope is marred by the faith he has in the tangible pain his past promises.
His happiness is buried in the condoms strewn in other men's trash cans...
He has been hurt one, two, many times;
He is sitting at his desk in his room of solace right now, reading this, thinking;
"Shit! I am a broken man"

Written: August 10, 2011

When it’s over

Have you ever just sat down next to your partner and known that the relationship is over? Where you have tried everything humanly possible to make it work but it’s just not coagulating—just not coming together. Well, I have a solution for you: RUN, run and don’t look back. Real talk. I’m not saying you shouldn't try work it out-but there has to be a point when you say enough is enough and move on.

Don't you have that friend that is always complaining about their partner? To the point that when they mention his/her name you immediately change the topic or make up some lame-ass excuse that doesn’t make sense, “I have to go home my mum asked me to wash the dog…”- and you know you don't own no goddamn dog…smh!!! It is annoying. I cannot stand people who complain about something and yet there are unwilling to take any action. This does not just pertain to relationships only, for example; there are people who complain every single day about how bad their job is but they are not taking any steps towards trying to find another or somehow rectifying their situation. When a situation like that arises, I immediately assume the person is satisfied with being unhappy and hence I cannot continue to be friends with them because I don’t like unhappy people-it’s contagious.

Then there are some ladies in abusive relationships but don't want to leave. They keep making excuses for the guy: “He does it ‘cause he loves me.” “It is my fault, I made him mad.”—That last one is real popular. Firstly, any man that feels the need to rearrange your face DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Do not believe him when he says he does. I swear on my left toe if love costs a black eye every other day then it is way too expensive for me, I will do without it. We really need to learn to set boundaries and learn when enough is enough; there needs to be a line that cannot be crossed, no exceptions. A lot of people assert that it takes being in the situation to know for sure what action you will take, but I cannot fathom how anyone can stay with a man (or woman) who beats them constantly.  Really, it is beyond my realm of understanding. Someone help me out here.

Anyway, back to what I was initially talking about. When it is over… How do you know when it is over? Just like you know when you are in love the same follows, you just know… There is no script you can read or anything of the sort. You just know. Listen to me ladies or guys or whoever is reading this blog; never hold on to something that is clearly not working because you may be overlooking something else that could make you much happier. Trust me I almost lost a chance with someone who turned out to be the most important thing in my life because I was too scared to let go. Yes, I was willing to put aside any chances of being happy hanging on to something that had long surpassed its expiry date. That doesn't even make sense does it? It does to me.

Moral of the story when everything your partner does starts to bother the hell out of you. Even things that never seemed to bother you before start bothering you; that is sign. It can even be insignificant things. At one point in a past relationship I started having a problem with the way the guy walked-he walked like a pregnant penguin and every time he walked towards me I felt like I was in Happy Feet. This was not something I had a problem with before. Even the way he chewed started to annoy me—everything. Most times it is not as obvious as that, that guy I was with was just genuinely annoying. We just need to learn to let go at times.

1 YEAAARRR

Anniversary

This post is dedicated to me. It has been exactly a year since I started this blog and I am ashamed that I have less than ten posts. I would love to thank everyone who has taken their time to read some of my posts; I truly appreciate it. Most of my posts are just rants and me speaking my mind. I started this post last year because I needed to de-stress and I felt like writing was the best forum for that.

            I was in a bad place when I started this last year, but now my life is great. I have never been happier. I have learned to appreciate the things and the people I have in my life and it is the best feeling EVERRRRRR!!!!

            Anyway, I will try to finish some of the posts I started but somehow lost the motivation mid-post. 

Just BS-ing

ANGRY RANT

To be honest with you, this is JUST an angry rant. A friend of mine just got angry at me because I called his/her “bestfriend” a ‘hoe’. (I would like to point out that I didn't necessarily call them one but for the sake of this post let’s just assume I did). Granted, I would also defend my friend too if someone called them a hoe but I feel as though this particular persons reasons were not justified. This person said to me, “you don’t know the girl well enough to call her a hoe”. I started fuming, I was like,  “I don’t need to know her personally to know that she has been around--she is what they call back home; a village bicycle (because everyone gets a ride). I do not know prostitutes personally but I KNOW they are prostitutes. They might be very nice people, but the fact is they are prostitutes.” I agree I do not know the girl so I cannot judge her personality, but if her actions do fulfill the minimal requirements for hoe-manship then guess what?? Yup she is hoe. She might have a very nice personality BUT that does not change the fact that her p*&^y looser than the change in my wallet.

That being said, in this case I had no right to call the girl a hoe though. Matter of fact as previously stated, I didn’t really, but that is beside the point.

The point of this article is to tackle the issue of listening to rumors. Let’s say you have never seen someone act in a particular way, for example you have never seen them with anyone but you hear of the stuff the person does. Can you conclude (not judge) that the person is a particular way because of what you have heard they have done? This does not just include sleeping around and sexual acts. For example, I did not see Casey Anthony kill her baby nor did she get convicted BUT I will be damned if I ever let her babysit my (future) children. Isn’t that similar to not dating someone you have not witnessed or caught in action sleeping around but you have heard, from reliable sources, that they do? I mean, like I said the person might have the BEST personality ever but that does not change the fact that they did or do the things they do. For all we know Casey Anthony is a sweetheart but she is still a baby killer (convicted or not). It is only natural and humanly to judge people on what you hear about them. This does not mean it is right but it does tend to happen.

Personally, I believe that people act a certain way because of what they have experienced in their lives. That person you call a hoe might have a heartbreaking story behind her actions that may change your opinion on her. I believe that people tend to act like ‘hoes’ because they haven’t yet met that one person they feel deserves better. In other words just because someone has a bad history of playing people does not necessarily mean they are going to play you too. Every single relationship is a gamble and anyone can hurt you. Just like gambling sometimes the play with the lowest odds may make you the most money. Think of the lottery, chances are you will not win it, but that slight, miniscule possibility of winning makes the ticket worth buying. For that reason it does not make sense to rule out someone because you have heard they have been ‘around’. Take a chance date a hoe; it may be the best decision you have ever made.

I Respect Prostitutes

 Before I start I need to make a public service announcement: I am in no way endorsing prostitution or saying that it’s right or that it should be legalized. I just think we should respect them (Prostitutes) as the people who service the married men of our society.

Firstly, I would like to begin by defining the term prostitute: for the sake of this article, prostitution refers to having sex in exchange for money to be used strictly for survival purposes. Also, for the sake of this article anyone who has sex in exchange for money for any other reason but survival is a regular hoe. But remember not all regular hoes are prostitutes; some people have sex for other, non-monetary, reasons.

Now that we got that out the way, I just felt I should let you ladies in on a little secret: whatever sexual acts you are not willing to perform on your man, for a solid 50 he can find someone else who will. I am not saying it’s right but apparently that’s just how life is. That’s a prostitute’s job. Just as most people wake up in the morning to go to the office or to go to school, a prostitute probably wakes up early too and stretches, practices new moves or something. I am assuming no man calls up a prostitute at 7a.m. If there is any man out there who does then he needs an exorcist. It is almost as bad as a man who eats breakfast at a strip club. Nasty.

Ladies, if you are a side-chick you better believe your “man” respects a prostitute more than he does you. In fact the only difference between you and the prostitute is that you are free and you bring him lunch at work, for free. A friend of mine once said to me, “Why pay for sex when I can just get it for free? In fact she better bring her own goddamn cab money or her ass will be walking home.” Ladies that give it up real easy, use their lady-parts as slot machines, wake up in a different bed 4times a week and then have the nerve to judge prostitutes, remember this; she is doing it to feed her babies, you are doing it cause, well… you’re a hoe!!! Also ladies incase you haven’t noticed, men don’t tend to date girls they consider ‘easy’. Men love sex, a lot.  So make him wait, if he is willing to wait then he is worth it if not, you guys were never meant to be. And if you are looking for someone just to have some fun sex with, go right ahead, but just don’t make it a habit. But remember; next time you’re about to talk shit about a prostitute. Think about that hoe friend of yours (we all have one), she is worse.

Ladies, would you rather your man slept with a regular hoe or prostitute? Personally, his ass would be dumped regardless, but if I HAD to choose, I would probably choose the latter. To me if he screwed a regular hoe it means he actually put time and energy into it; they had some sort of relationship. It may not have been much but they probably talked, went for dinner-all that sentimental stuff. Even if they met at a bar, if she is not getting paid for it, there must be some sort of interaction, body language, something to convince her. Unless of course she is a nymphomaniac, but we aren’t talking about those here. Now if it's a prostitute then it was strictly business. No feelings or emotions, no time wasted on sentimental things (she has other customers to attend to). I don’t even know if it qualifies as cheating if your man does a prostitute. Does it? Let me know.

            When a man cheats it is usually because there is something lacking in the relationship. If he actually engages in a relationship with another woman, maybe you didn’t pay enough attention, you not pretty anymore, etc. but, there is a lot more to that story than when it is a prostitute. I am in no way saying cheating is right, I believe that if anyone feels that they are not getting what they want from the relationship then it is best they leave to find someone else. There is absolutely no reason to torture yourself with someone that does not make you happy. When it is a prostitute though, the problem is simple; you are not giving him enough sex. Now ladies I am not saying you should have sex with your man whenever he demands it. I am just saying stop lying to your man. Men love some consistency, if you began the relationship having wild sex, doing it all the time type of thing, then as soon as he puts a ring on your finger you buy one of those panties with a lock on them, of course you are going to have a big problem. Ladies take some notes; if your man is used to having sex 5times a week then all of a sudden you do not give him any, he will continue to have sex 5times a week—with or without you. Realistically, the amount of sex a couple has is bound to decrease the older they get, but it should be consensual. It shouldn’t just be one partner who decides to stop having sex. Ladies we have to understand that humans were created to procreate; even though we don't want to have kids anymore our bodies still have the urge to act out those innate desires. This is more so in men than women. As much as women expect men to respect their wishes and understand the trauma their bodies have to go through, I believe that women should also understand a man’s anatomy and how their bodies are built. Just as we want to be treated specially ladies, do the same for your man once in a while. I digress.

            Back to the prostitutes, ladies answer me this: Would you suck a dick to save your child’s life? I’m pretty sure the answer is yes. If your child was starving and the only way to feed him was to take it in the ass, I’m pretty sure you would be face down, ass up in a heartbeat. Fortunately, most of us are lucky enough to never have to make decisions like that. I find it sad that we judge people before we fully understand their situation. For the record, I believe that prostitutes have more self-respect than those hoes that sleep with every single Tom, Dick and Thabo for a shot at fame or to get an A in a class or because they have “self-esteem” issues or because they didn’t get enough hugs from daddy (and if you need a hug, find someone to hug, get a dog, hug a tree-it is not an excuse to open your legs. Sheesh!!) Now those are the people I openly judge. I get it; life sucks, but if a female is going to open up her legs every time she is let down then our society is doomed. Yea, fine I guess sex is great and some people just want to have fun but if the list of people you’ve slept with is longer your Facebook friend list you really need to re-think your life. There is nothing wrong with having a bit of fun, but you must remember if you are going to over-do it, you will get judged. People will feel more for the prostitute than your sorry ass.      

SIDE CHICK

This one is especially for the ladies. I call it “Side Chick”. Firstly, let me define what a side chick is. If he sent you a text on Valentines Day, if you ain’t ever chilled with him in public, if your name is Gabrielle and he has stored you as Gabriel on his phone, if he only hits you up after midnight, if you have been ‘together’ over a year and you have only met his one shady cousin, if the only thing you talk about is sex, if he says you should keep the relationship on the DL, if one or more of those conditions apply to you then you might want to re-think your relationship cause believe or not you are a side chick. Either that or your bf is in the Mafia or running some sort of illegal business and doesn't want you involved. Either way, shit is shady.

         I don’t really blame you women because sometimes the signs are right there in front of you but you are blinded by what you think is love. Other times though, women enter into the relationship fully knowing they are side chick but then they wanna front and act like the main chick. The worst part is those side dishes that think they are going to replace the main course-no honey, aint no man gonna pick a salad over a steak! Even if he is vegetarian!! And he if he says to you, “baby, I just don't know how to break up with her, you have to understand. I love you but I have to stay with her”—RUN. Truth is; if he really wanted to leave her, he would have. He aint EVER gonna leave her, your ass is gonna be waiting forever while you are forfeiting other more deserving guys.

         I don't even blame the guys for this, how can some of you women be sooo stupid though? Really? C’mon son? I mean if you get into a relationship with a man who is already in a another elationship-how the hell are you supposed to trust that he ain’t going to do the same thing to you. Fine, I understand that there is an exception to every rule. But, unfortunately the odds are against you, you probably aint the exception. If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck it probably is a duck.

         Remember, a guy is only as faithful as his options. If he didn't have options he really wouldn't be effin around. Then you females call the guy a dog, an asshole-yet you are the ones fuckin him. I don’t get it. You know the guy is married, he laid out his cards on the table and told you what it is-but you still wanna get upset that he ain’t made a commitment to you? Smh!! Women. But yea, I know there are those slick ass guys who will make you believe that you are the only one, I aint talking about them, they are special. They deserve their own blog-I’m talking about the regular nigga who straight up tells you wassup?

         My point in writing this was to let you side chicks know that you should learn to play your part. If you are side chick know your role and stick to it. That way life is soo much easier. Stop trying to be the main chick because you aint gonna get there. You will just end up with a broken heart. The biggest mistake you can ever make is try and challenge the main chick, don't try it-you’ll be publically humiliated. Also, being a side chick is usually frowned upon by society so maybe you might wanna keep it on the DL like the guy suggested. I won’t lie; I will shamelessly judge your ass for knowingly putting yourself in a predicament like that. So ladies either accept being the side chick or know your worth. Accept nothing less than to be a priority and not an option for when the main chick is acting up. 

Why lie??

I will be the first to admit that women lie, yes yes yes we do! Matter of fact everyone lies, and it seems to be a trend that the more you have to lose the more likely you are to lie. Personally, I try not to lie but, you know, I am only human; sometimes I got to cover my ass. Mostly though when I lie it’s because I am trying to prevent unnecessary drama. But, if I make a promise not to lie to you, I won’t--even at the risk of losing you (ask my last bf).

Anyway, men on the other hand you guys just lie about unnecessary things. The funny thing is you always snitch on yourself because you lie so much you forget about what you lied about. You should remember that usually your girl doesn’t forget all the little things you tell her. You’ll be like, “honey I don’t watch porn, I wouldn't do such a thing…” then 2weeks later you are chilling with her and the boys and ooops it slips out. Most of the time, if it were me, I would just let it go, be like whatever (which is bad I guess since the little lies chip away at the trust). In the end I’ll just not trust you and there goes the relationship.

Another fascinating thing about guys is that they VOLUNTEER lies. You don’t have to put them in a tight situation or accuse them of anything for them to lie. You could just be chilling, minding your own goddamn business and he comes out and says, “Hey baby guess what I am doing…” o__0!!! What is that??? Or you get one of these, “I just made some delicious English breakfast, wish you were here.” Errr… I was just as your house last night there were no eggs in your fridge. Stop lying.

I gotta be real though, I have met some pretty honest guys (or rather, they were THAT good at lying)… but for the most part y’all dudes need to take a lying class. Or rather have a meeting or something and combine knowledge, this is getting ridiculous now. You guys are making us doubt things we shouldn’t be doubting—is your name really Mac or is it some ratched shit like Macaintshit and you just lying?

The worst thing ANY guy can do though, is tell a woman that you love her when you really don't. And women always know when you mean it, it’s just that some would rather live in the illusion of being loved than deal with the reality that, “he is just not that in to you”. I don't even know why you guys say it, I would personally appreciate a guy who just doesn’t say it back than one who does but is just lying. Nothing good ever comes out of that, really. So please take your time, make sure your mean it before you say it—trust me it will be worth it.